Deployment: July/August 2006

Just FYI:  dh=dear husband, ds1=dear son 1, ds2=dear son 2, dd=dear daughter, PTL=praise the Lord
Also, peoples' comments I included are in italics with the person's name in parenthesis

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July 9, 2006

(one of the many reasons I love him)

here's an excerpt from an email I got from dh. yes, he is referring to our children as "nasties" and "monsters" but he had just spoken to me on the phone and heard first hand the craziness that was occurring (the boys really were acting like nasty little monsters!) and he also heard how I was getting frazzled with them and the day had barely started (it was around 7am when he called me). so this is the email he sent me after we got off the phone.

"Anyways just wanted to tell you that I love you and Im glad that I have you as a wife. I couldnt ask for a better woman,wife, lover and mother of my children even though you just kicked the little nasties out of bed for fighting.hehehehehehe. I love you and have a good day with the monsters."

Somehow that changed my mood for the day and even from another country I fell in love with him all over again. I am so lucky to be married to a man like him. I just can't wait until he comes home.

Kate

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July 20, 2006

it’s going to be one of those days…

I can already tell. Today is going to be not so good. I know, I know, I need to do the attitude adjustment thing, but seriously. I was up until 11:30 waiting for dh to call. Sure enough he waited until I shut the light off and went to bed. That was at 11:45. Then we could only talk for 4-5 minutes because he forgot his phone card. So most of the conversation was an explanation of what he was doing that made him forget his phone card.

So ds1 slept with me last night because it was "sleepover night." That's all well and good except ds2 comes down to my room around 5:30 or 6:00 this morning and starts picking fights with ds1. While I'm dealing with all the racket and trying to eek out another few minutes of sleep, the phone rings. It's dh. At 6:45am. So our conversation this morning revolved around an inquisition about money, "why our children act the way they do?" and how he can't hear anything.

First, if he put me in charge of the money situation even before he left for Iraq, why on earth does he feel the need to give me the third degree about it? Especially at 6:45am. Especially when I've laready told him that I HATE talking about money with him on the phone when we only have a limited time to talk. Second, why does he have to ask about the kids' behavior as though it's a big mystery that I have the answer to. Don't you think that if I knew why the kids were being rotten this morning I would have done something about it? Finally, like I could hear anything either. Good grief.

I am so tired of not being able to talk to him when he calls during the day because of the kids and I don't know what to do about it. The boys are 4 and almost 3. I don't have a doorknob on my bedroom so locking them out isn't an option right now.

Okay, breathe. Just breathe. I can do it. I just need to go snuggle with dd for a little while and remind myself that at least I'm not completely surrounded by kids who love to push my buttons. At least my baby girl is still mostly sweet and innocent.

Okay, I feel better now. Time to go face the day. (and release the boys from their rooms where they've been sitting on time-out while I got myself back together). Man, I wish this deployment were over already.

Kate

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July 20, 2006

dd knows daddy! (at least kind of)

So we were looking at photos today and dd was babbling as usual. I pointed to myself and said "mama" and she copied me. Then I pointed to dh and said "dada" and she copied me. We did that with a few pictures and then I said "where's daddy" and she pointed right to him. Twice! (I stopped after two)

Dh will be so happy when I tell him tonight. He is so concerned that she won't know him when he gets back and although this may not "prove" anything she did point to him. Twice! After the way today started out, this is so wonderful! I can't wait for dh to call!

Kate

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August 12, 2006

Here's part of an email from my dh from this afternoon...

"We had some action in our area. I cant get into details on it but maybe later."

Obviously I know he's okay, but other than that I don't know anything. Please pray for the guys stationed with him and their families. You never know what "some action" means. In the last four months the area he's in has only had a few minor roadside bomb incidents. Nothing severe and no deaths. (PTL!) Please pray that's still the case.

Thanks so much!

Kate

Thanks for all the prayers! Here's part of the latest email from him:
"Everything is okay. ONe of our pumphouses came under attack. 2 guys were hurt but are going to be okay. I believe all of the insurgents are dead. Thats what was going on. Im okay and I wanted to go help but then reality sets in and I think of you and the kids. Its more important for me to get home to you guys in one peace than getting into action."

I am so glad that he decided to stay in the arms room rather than go out and help. (I'm not sure if his 1st Sgt would have let him go anyway) I'm sure it gets boring for him just issuing weapons and such, but that's where he's needed and it also helps keep him safe.

Last week he told me he'd be leaving Iraq sometime in February but then a couple of days ago he was told not to count on that because they may end up over there longer. I just keep praying that he'll be home for my birthday in March. We'll have to wait and see what happens.

Thank you again everyone.

Kate

When did your DH first deploy? Is your birthday past the one-year mark? I'll be praying that he'll be home for your birthday in March! My birthday is coming up in a few days, and as much as we're not very holiday/celebrating people, it's still sad that he won't be here for it. I know how you feel. I'm so glad yours will be home soon for R&R!!!!!
I just looked at your ticker in your signature, and it looks like your DH will be home for R&R at almost exactly the same time that my DH comes home. How wild is that? We're going to be some giddy girls come mid-October... (cheryl)

Going by his deployment date for "training" in Mississippi (I use the "" because he said most of it was a joke and totally useless even though he had to be there for over 4 months) he was deployed November 1, 2005. He left for Kuwait March 27, 2006. I don't know for sure when he left Kuwait for Iraq. My birthday is March 24. He was home for his mom's funeral in March and left to go back to MS the 20th so he missed it this year.

Since he was a "fill-in" and isn't with the unit he usually drills with, some of the guys he's with were deployed September 1, 2005 for training. All of them left for Kuwait within a week or so of eachother, though. They are all on an 18-month deployment (total) and are only supposed to spend 12 mos of that in country. We'll see.

It's just hard because a group he used to drill with was deployed two years ago this October. They spent about 1 1/2 mos training stateside before they went overseas and they were home before Christmas 2005. I just don't understand the lack of consistency within the National Guard (maybe the military in general). It's just really frustrating.
Maybe I'm crabby because a lady at church said something stupid that I should just ignore, but being human (and PMS-ing) I can't. When she heard dh may be gone longer she asked how long he's been gone and I said since November but only in Iraq since March. She said "Well, that's not so bad. At least he hasn't been in that heat all this time. " I know it wasn't meant to downplay my situation, but I can't help being a little ticked by it since, yeah, I think it is "so bad" for my dh to be away from his kids for so long. I know we've had a million threads about the stupidity of people who speak before they think and I'll just chalk this up as one of those times, but I still had to just walk away from her after that comment to keep from saying something I'd regret.

Sorry this ended up as a kinda long vent when I started just answering a question. Oh well. Thanks again for all the prayers and such, I really appreciate it. The Our Daily Bread devotional had a couple that seemed to be put in there just for me these last two days. I'm sure it's just a coincidence but it really has helped me to focus on God and what He's doing with all this rather than on myself and how miserable I am without my dh.

Thanks again!

Kate

PS Cheryl, you're right... October can't come soon enough!

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August 19, 2006

"I did get a piece of shrapnel from that one."

Here it is in context:

"The next day I went out again with a different patrol. Again we were rolling along and the lead vehicle called back and told everyone to halt. They told us they had just rolled over(tires did not hit anything) what looked liked two wires protruding out of the ground. One guy walked up for a closer look and it appeared that something was buried. EOD came out and set it off. They believe it was a pressured detonated IED. I did get a piece of shrapnel from that one."
This is from an "update" email my dh sent out to the people in his addressbook. What do you think he means by that sentence? I'll wait and give my take after I get a few responses. I don't want to involuntarily influence anyone's response.

Thanks!

Kate

So because I just realized it's 1:20am and I know my little darlings will be waking me up in a few short hours I am going to go ahead and reply and then head off to bed.

Since I figure I already know everything in the "update" emails since we talk on the phone regularily, I just skim them to see what he's telling people so if anyone asks I can give them the shortened version of the email he sent out.

That sentence jumped out at me and I was instantly so worried about him and so irritated with him for not telling me about it that I started emailing him this terrible email and then I reread the sentence in context and I got a different interpretation so I had to rewrite my email. (thank goodness I didn't send the first one!)

He really needs to watch how he words things because I know reading that he got shrapnel and thinking that meant "got hit" scared me half to death and made me so mad that he would nonchalantly mention it in a group email and not to me on the phone. Sometimes I wonder about him! I did mention that he may want to send out an email clarifying what he meant just in case some people think he got hit.
I'm interested to see what anyone else has to say, but I'm so darn tired I'll have to wait until morning. Night all!

Thanks everyone. It's good to know that I'm not just a paranoid wife who over-reacted when I skimmed through that email. I did ask him to call me in the email I sent him and he did (thankfully because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to sleep!). Yes, he just got a souviner, but he could understand how it may have been confusing with how it was worded. Especially when taken out of context.

I have actually had people on his email list talk to me about some of the stuff he puts in there and how strange they think it is that he's so nonchalant about it. I think maybe because he's a deputy and a lot of the people on the list are from the Sheriff's department that he doesn't really think anything of it. I just hate having to be the one deflecting the questions about stuff like that when I only know about as many details as they do.

One of the first times he went out on a patrol he didn't tell me about it because "he didn't want me to worry" and he didn't send me the "update" email that he told people about it. My parents are on his email list, though, so imagine how great I felt when my mom started talking to me about it and I didn't have a clue about any of it.

Thanks again for confirming that I'm not a complete freak for initially reacting how I did. Part of it is that he uses abbreviations that the average civillian doesn't know. I don't know what EOD is I assumed they were the equivalent of the bomb squad, but I don't know for sure. Anyway, time to tend to my kids. Thanks again for the responses!

Kate

*UPDATE* (august 21)

So I got an email from dh today letting me know that he's had to email at least three people who thought he had been hurt by the shrapnel from the sentence in question. I just got off the phone with him and he let me know that at least four more people had emailed him asking how he was doing after being hit. He said he's going to have to send out an email to everyone and let them know he's okay. DUH!

I told him to do that when I first emailed him! I figure if I, his wife who's known him over nine years and who he talks to almost every day, had a hard time understanding what he meant then there would definitely be others who were also misunderstanding the intent of that sentence. I guess he just had to figure it out for himself since he must have thought I was just being a paranoid freak or something. Silly boy! Maybe someday he'll learn how wise women can be in situations like this.

Deployment: May/June 2006

Just FYI: dh=dear husband, ds1=dear son 1, ds2= dear son 2, dd=dear daughter
Also, peoples' comments I felt like including are listed in italics with the person's name in parenthesis

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May 11, 2006

So as most of you know my dh is deployed to Iraq right now. He's scheduled to come home in Oct for 2 weeks of R&R and then for good April of 2007.

My ds1 will be 4 on Saturday. Today he looked at me with sad little almost 4-year-old eyes and said that he needed his daddy. I told him that daddy is working at Army man camp right now. He said that he wanted daddy to be done at Army man camp and come home now (with his hummer). I told him that daddy is working really hard and won't be able to be done for a long time and that his hummer isn't really his, it's the army's but maybe when daddy comes home to visit in October we could go somewhere and see a different hummer. I offered to go write an email to daddy and he said he didn't want to right now. Maybe later. He just looked so sad.

I don't know what else to tell him. We're having a party with my parents and siblings and I invited my FIL and one of my BILs and his wife, but I can tell that given ds1's personality it won't be the same without his daddy there. Ds2 probably won't even know the difference when his birthday rolls around in August, but my ds1 is so detail oriented that I know it's just not right for his daddy to be working at Army man camp on his birthday.

I'm having a really hard time trying to stay positive for my kids right now. I know this is just the beginning. I don't know how I'll make it through dd's first birthday in June. I can't believe my dh is going to miss our dd's first birthday.

October just seems so far away right now and then it's not the end. He'll still have 6 months to go after that.

Okay, enough for now. DD is sleeping, ds1 is with my parents and ds2 is spending the day in his room (that's another story I don't have time to get into right now). I have to go take advantage of the "no kids" time and clean my rotten house to get ready for this party that I don't even feel up to having right now. TTFN

Kate

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May 27, 2006

My dh just told me that he's heard from a couple of different people that they could be coming home as early as January! I know it's just a rumor and I still tell people it will be April, but I am praying like crazy that rumor is true! I just figured if anyone around here has a few extra prayers to spare could you send a couple up for me? I have been praying he'll be home for my birthday in March, but this would be even better! Yes, I am prepared for it to not be true, and I'm not going to believe it until it actually happens even if he says it's true (since the military can easily change their mind whenever they want to). It's just exciting to me that there is even the slightest possibility that he'll be home early.

Kate

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June 3, 2006

So my dh has been calling me daily since May 11 which has totally spoiled me and gotten me out of the habit of dealing with a day without a phone call. Now today he didn't call which if fine because I can deal with a day without a phone call. I have before. I figured I'd at least have an email since he has access to a computer in the arms room where he works and friends of ours had a baby yesterday and I emailed him about it last night, but I don't have an email from him either.

so now the paranoia it setting in. My parents (who live next door) took my ds1 to visit my brother so they're not around and I can't get a hold of any of my friends to talk some sense into me so I figured I'd post here and see if any of you can help with that. I have been telling myself that he's probably just busy or something, but then the little voice in my head argues with me that he should never be too busy to send me a quick email! besides being concerned about my dh should I be concerned that I am hearing voices?

thanks for listening!

Kate

so I just got an email from dh and he's fine and has been really busy all day and when he went to call me the lines were really long so he's going to try again in a few minutes.

I knew I didn't need to worry, but sometimes I just can't help it. Thanks to anyone who actually read this.

Kate

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June 22, 2006

So when my dh called this morning about halfway through the conversation he got really quiet and then asked me if dd even knew who he was. I had to be honest and answer no, she's a baby and doesn't really know anybody. You can't expect her to. As much as we both know it's true I know it's hard for him and it just breaks my heart to have to tell him that.

Her first birthday is next week so I'm sure he's feeling down because of that. He's been gone since she was 4 months old. yes, I show her pictures and he talks to her on the phone, but honestly there is no way she knows the difference between him being her daddy or my brother (who we only see every few months) being her uncle.

This is just so hard to deal with. I know it helps him that the boys know who he is and remember things that he does with them like go to the park or look for frogs and they talk about that stuff with him.

It's just that time is something you can never get back and he's missed out on all her "firsts." With the boys being older he's really missed out on less with them. Yeah there's stuff, but when you think about it the first year of a child's life is full of new things where the following years have less of that.

This has been bugging me all day and I hope actually putting it into words will get it out of my head so I can stop feeling so down. Thanks for listening.

Kate

Thanks everybody for your suggestions and your support. I'll have to send a few books and blank tapes with my next care package to dh. That's an idea I didn't think of. I do have a video of dh reading to the boys before he left, but ds2 was being a pill when we taped it so we don't watch it often since it's not really what we wanted it to be for the boys.

mom4three- I do have a video camera. We got one at christmas for that very reason. I have just found that it's really hard to take videos when it's just me. I am hoping that a friend will help me burn a few DVDs of our home movies to send to dh since he has a portable DVD player over there.

Cheryl- I totally understand wanting the kids to miss your dh more. Ds1 has his days once-in-a-while where he wants daddy to be "done with armyman camp" but ds2 is just business as usual. When I told dh that he was surprised since he thought ds2 would have a harder time with things, but it doesn't surprise me in the least since that fits their personalities so well. I guess I'm glad they're doing so well because that does make it easier for me, but at the same time it is so hard. You know? How much longer until your dh is home?

4arrows- dh gets to come home for 2 weeks in October and then has to go back for another 6 months so he won't be home for good until next April. he has heard rumors that it could be earlier, but we're not going to believe it until it actually happens.

Today has been a much better day. Dh did sound a little down when I spoke to him this morning, bu the said he was just tired and stressed with some of the stuff he's been doing the last couple of days. Thanks again everybody.

Kate Oh, Kate, I just saw this and now am about to cry with you.....
I have no real understanding of that, as my hubby is only gone for at most three weeks at a time. Your post gives me new appreciation, though, for what you ALL go through on our behalf, so thank you for reminding me. I will add this to my list of things to pray about for you guys...wish I could do more. {{{HUGS}}} (dawnie)

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June 25, 2006

So at church today I spoke with a friend of my mom's who was visiting. Her son-in-law is serving in Iraq with the same unit or whatever that my dh is with (just a different company or whatever). Anyway, she said that he had put in to come home for R&R in January and that he was just told that they aren't allowing any guys to take R&R in January now. His thought on that is that they will either be transitioning the new unit taking over for them when they leave or already on their way home. I don't want to get my hopes up, but if they're really not letting guys take R&R in January when that was originally one of the options I have to think it means something. Anyway, I just wanted to share what could potentially be really good news!

Kate

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June 27, 2006

hey guys. Could you please send up a few prayers for me today? It's already started out as a cry fest (I think having my period may be partially to blame). It's dd's first birthday and I have a ton to do before her party this evening (only grandparents, but I still need to have a clean house). I'm just not motivated and all I want to do is curl up in a chair with my baby girl and just cry. Gosh, I wish her daddy was here. Usually he helps with the kids so I can do the house stuff. Besides that I'm just so sad that he's not here for her birthday. I talked to him this morning and I couldn't help it, I started crying on the phone. so now he probably is thinking I'm a blubbering idiot or something. he told me to " hang in there" which I am getting so sick and tired of hearing I could just scream. I don't have a choice. I have to " hang in there" whether I want to or not. There isn't an alternative.

Sorry to vent like this I just don't know of anywhere else I can get "instant" support from so many people and I really feel like I need it today. Thanks. I'm so glad I found you guys. It really does help make things a little easier. Well, duty calls. I think I'm going to take the kids for pancakes to celebrate birthday breakfast. Then I can pick up a few things at the store and head home to finish all the fun. I did get the cake done yesterday so there's one less thing to worry about. (I just hope my boys leave it alone until the party!)

Thanks again for listening. It really does help.

Kate

Sweet Kate, I am so sorry for you today! I can not begin to imagine the heartache you feel at not having your dh here for your dd's first birthday. You are NOT a blubbering idiot!! You are sad and lonely and your family is not together. Of course you're going to cry!

Dear Lord,
We lift our sister, Kate, up to you today. Thank you for her healthy daughter who has grown a whole year today! Thank you for sustaining their family thus far with the head of them being on the other side of the world. Be Kate's Heavenly Father today. Be the boys' Father, be a Father to the little girl. I pray that peace would surround and envelope them as they celebrate a special day. Hold Kate's husband in the palm of your hand as he works so hard so far away from his family. We pray that you would bring him home safely at the appointed time, if not earlier! We ask these things in your will, knowing you know what's best. We love you, Lord.

Amen (boo/Ann)

Thanks everybody. the house didn't get as fabulous as I would have liked, but I kind of lost my motivation when my FIL called to say he was just going to stop by to drop off the present and wouldn't be staying for supper after all (at first I was ticked about that, but I got over it). For some reason having my parents over doesn't give me the same motivation to clean as having dh's family or my siblings over. Maybe that's because they live next door...

Anyway, dd is getting her bottom molars and was miserable the whole time. I don't know if we even got a picture of her with her cake. My mom said we'll have to "redo" the party after she has her teeth so she can blow out her candle and bite her cake and all the fun first birthday stuff kids do when they feel better.

I was still sad throughout the day, but with her being so sad because of her teeth I got a lot of cuddle time in which is always nice. Unfortunately she's not a really big cuddler unless really tired or sick or in pain. I'm kind of sad about that, but that's just her personality and that's just the way it is so I have to deal with it. That just makes the snuggle time we do have all that much sweeter.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate having the support group I have found on here.

Kate

Deployment: April 2006

On the MOPS forums abbreviations are used to keep personal information private.  Some that can be found in these posts are: dh= dear husband, ds1= dear son 1, ds2= dear son 2, dd= dear daughter
Also, in some cases I included responses from friends I made through the forums.  I put those in italics with the name of the person who wrote it in parenthesis.

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April 4, 2006

I  just got off the phone with my dh. He's deployed right now so I can totally relate to the lonely thing. I also have three little ones, but they aren't very good for conversation much beyond food, toys and toilet training.   My sister will be coming over after she gets off work to watch American Idol with me. It will be nice to have someone here to watch with.

When he's home, my dh is a hunter, too. Since he's a deputy for his regular job he works long hours and then if he goes hunting on his days off it just gets to be so long away from him. Then he gets grumpy if I ask him to be home at a certain time. I wonder if he'd like it if I were to go somewhere first thing in the morning and then come home whenever I felt like it rather than checking in and letting him know a specific timeframe.

At least we all can have a lonley moms party together. That should help a little.

Kate

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April 5, 2006

I used to work part-time as a music teacher. I taught third and fourth grade classroom music and directed the choir it was 28% of a full-times job. This amounted to about 12 hours a week Tues-Thurs 9am-1pm. It was the perfect amount of time to be away from my kids without feeling like I was missing out on their lives. With my dh schedule (he's a deputy) we only had them in daycare 4-5 times a month.

Then my husband got deployed and everything changed. Since my family comes first and I didn't know how my two little boys would handle daddy being away I took a leave of absence for the spring. Since the district I teach in is in the process of making huge cuts and they are cutting 2-3.5 music positions I probably won't be back next fall.

I am sad about that because I LOVE teaching music, but at the same time I can be in MOPS now (the group near me meets on Tues) and I also get to spend more time at home with my kids. When my husband comes back I'll definitely look into any opening in the elementary music department that I can find.

Kate

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April 6, 2006

Cheryl,

I'm still waiting to hear where my husband will be in Iraq. He is currently en route and probably won't be able to contact me for a week or so. I am so afraid of the whole IED thing because during training my dh was a driver for a 1st sgt. He doesn't know if that will be his job over there or not, but the thought of him driving anywhere is nervewracking. The only thing that gets me through each day is the thought that God will never give me more than I can handle and that I can do all things with His strength. Sometimes, though, I wish he didn't need me to handle so much. I'll be praying for you. When I think of all the threats of IEDs I have to remind myself that there are hundreds and thousands of vehicles driving over there every day and the news only reports those that get hit. I have to focus on those that make it safely to their destinations and pray that the same will hold true for any vehicle my husband is in. Hang in there and if you ever need anything let me know. I'll do what I can. I'll be praying for you.

Kate

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April 7, 2006

I just have to share this with you. My dh left for the Middle East almost two weeks ago. Two days after he left I was having a hard time adjusting to not being able to talk to him daily as I had done when he was stateside and I was feeling really lonely. I said a prayer and asked God to let me hear from him somehow the next day. Sure enough I had two cards in the mailbox from my dh AND he called that evening. It was amazing.

That's not all, this past Tuesday when I spoke to my dh he said he was leaving Kuwait and heading to where he would be stationed in Iraq and would most likely not be able to contact me for a week or so. At least not until he got settled. Well, last night I was feeling very lonely again and I prayed that I would just have an email from him to let me know that he was safe. When I checked my email this morning I had three emails waiting for me... all from my dh. God is just so awesome in how he gives us just what we really need right when we need it. I am so thankful every day that I am never really alone because God is always with me.

When my dh was home for Christmas he gave me a ring that says "I'll always be with you." I know he meant that he'll always be with me and I do think of him each time I look at my finger, but it also reminds me that God is always with me so I'm never alone.

I don't know, I just wanted to share that with you because I think sometimes we can all use a reminder of just how awesome our God is.

Kate

Oh, that is so wonderful to hear! And how wonderful that your DH is being so great about calling/emailing you! I talked to mine the other day and tried to convey to him that even if we get to talk every day that he's gone (which is pretty likely since he'll be at a desk with his own phone every day, and it's free for him to call me here in Japan), that it would still really mean a lot to me if he'll take a minute or two out of the day to email me. Because sometimes there are going to be days when he can't call, and it'll be nice those days that I can pull up the emails he's sent and read them to tide me over instead. I think he gets it. For him he doesn't see the point, because in his mind, what is he going to email me about if we're talking almost every day? But at least he understands that it's important to me, so hopefully he'll do it.

How long will your DH be gone? (Cheryl)

My DH has just started a 12 month deployment (I hope it will be less than that, though - he says the National Guard has been averaging 10-11 mos instead). His total deployment is supposed to be 18 mos. He spent Nov-Mar stateside training at Camp Shelby in MS.

My birthday is at the end of March and I am praying that he'll be home for my birthday next year. We'll have to wait and see what happens.

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April 9, 2006

My dh has finally made it to where he'll be stationed in Iraq for the next year. I talked to him this morning and he told me that there's limited phone and internet access where he's at so he may only get to contact me once every week or so. So far for me I have been able to make it 2-3 days without hearing from him and still be okay. Once day three rolls around I get depressed, lonely, and a little worried. So far when I've prayed on day three to hear from him God has answered my prayer with either an email or a phone call or both. That has been amazing!

I guess what I need right now is for prayer that God will continue to provide me with what I need. Whether that is the strength to get beyond day three without those feelings or if there is some way for my dh to still be able to contact me every 2-3 days despite his limited access to phone and internet. I am just having a really hard time thinking about how hard it is going to be with less contact from him. Thanks for your support.

Kate

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!!!!!  What is he going to be doing in Iraq? Maybe he will end up having better access to a phone than he expected. I've heard they're doing everything they can to allow people to stay in touch with their families. Maybe if nothing else he will be able to email you more often. I sure hope so. I know what it's like to not be able to contact your spouse (DH used to work on submarines so we would go months without even hearing one another's voice) and it's so difficult.  I will be praying that he will be able to contact you more often. The best advice I can give, though, is to set your mind that he will only be able to reach you once a week, so that way if it happens more often than that, you'll be pleasantly surprised. The easiest times for me when DH was on the sub was when I knew I wouldn't hear from him for 5 or 6 weeks. At least then I wasn't expecting anything so I couldn't be disappointed. But this is so much different.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} (Cheryl)

Thanks for all the prayer and support. My DH hasn't told me what exactly he'll be doing over there. During training he was a driver for a first sgt, but he said that things could change once he got in country. Because of security stuff he hasn't been able to tell me if he knows any more. I don't even know exactly where he is. Before he left his company was supposed to go somewhere in or near Fallujah, but that could have changed, too.

I have been trying to not expect him to call or email for a week, but it is really hard make the adjustment from talking to him several times a day when he was stateside to the situation we are in now. I'm sure eventually things will get easier. I know I can do anything with God's strength and that is what gets me through the day. I sing Steven Curtis Chapman's "His Strength is Perfect" all the time. I don't know what the wives of deployed soldiers do who aren't Christians. I know I couldn't make it through this without God's help.

Thanks again, everybody.

Kate 

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April 11, 2006

Thank you everyone who prayed for me and my husband with the communication thing while he's in Iraq. I had a phone call from him this morning and he told me that his situation has changed and that he'll be able to call me every couple of days (exactly what I thought I needed-I guess God agreed).

Thanks again everyone! I am just so relieved right now. He said email may still be an issue, but at least he can call that often.

Praise God! I hope you all have a great day. I'm off to MOPS, but I just had to share the good news before I left.

Kate

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April 24, 2006

So it could just be PMS, but I'm feeling really cranky today. I am focusing on the negative aspects of my dh being deployed and that's really bringing me down right now. He'll probably call me today because it's been nearly 4 days since he called (one of the reasons for the crankiness) and I don't want to be crabby with him if/when I get to talk to him.

I think now that he has email whenever he wants and has been emailing me daily that he thinks he doesn't need to call me as often. One phone call is worth a thousand emails in my book. Then, if I get an email that he was going to call but the line was too long and he was too tired to wait I feel like I don't matter enough to him to wait in line for me. I know that's not the case but that's how I'm feeling right now. I'm posting this here so I won't do something crazy like send him a complaining email or something.

Maybe it's partially weather-related since it's rainy and cold after nearly a week of nice weather. I don't know. I just could use some prayer to help me focus on things that are more positive and quit being so crabby.

thanks.

kate

While reading your post, Phillipians 4:13 came to mind--"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

That's the verse I usually post to encourage people!  usually I repeat it to myself many times a day. Today I have been too busy looking inward and feeling sorry for myself to think about it though. Thanks for reminding me.

thanks so much everyone for your kindness and thoughts and prayers. I am feeling a little better. I forced myself to send him a card today even though I didn't feel like it. I have mailed him a card or a letter every day since I got his address over there. Hopefully I can keep it up regardless of my mood.

No, I don't really have any friends with husbands who have been or are currently deployed. That's one of the reasons I joined this forum. I have met several women on here who are in or have been in a situation like mine. that really helps. Since my dh isn't active duty (he was just activated with the National Guard) I don't have the built in support system that a lot of military wives have in place.

Thank you again for all your support.

Kate

I'm proud of you for coming here instead of sending him a complaining email. I sent one of those nearly 5 years ago and still feel emabarrassed about it.

You saved me again. I decided to check here before sending him an email tonight. He didn't call and hasn't emailed since a very short one at 8am today. I was all geared up to let him have it... Thank you. I'll still send him an email and ask why he hasn't called, but at least I won't be mean or complaining about it. (I have a tendency to get a little sarcastic at times which can be kind of hurtful) Thanks again. It is funny how our dh's are opposite. If only they could somehow share with eachother and even things out.   Oh, well.

So I just talked to dh and I'm still a little crabby. It must be PMS. I did tell him that I almost sent him a crabby email and he was like "why?" and I told him that it had been four days since he called me and he was like "Oh. I thought you said either call or email."  Why can men not understand that a one line email saying "thanks for the package I love you and I miss you" is sweet and all, but definitely not the same as a 15 minute phone conversation? Whatever. How men and women can be sooooooo different and still manage to make things work is a mystery to me. Just one of those amazing things that reminds me that God has a sense of humor.  I can just picture him laughing at all of us and our silly little disagreements and humanness. I love it. Really, in the great big scheme of things email vs phone call is not that big of a deal.

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April 25, 2006


I took your advice, Cheryl and emailed my husband last night. I started by explaining that I understand his job is difficult over there and all that. Then I explained how things are for me here. (I kept it as positive as possible and let him know that I am surviving just fine and that hearing from him helps make it a little easier to do so). I ended with "Is it realistic for me to expect you to call me every 2-3 days and to email me in between? I don't expect every email to be long and in depth, but it would be so nice to have one of those once-in-a-while." and the usual lovey dovey stuff. Today I had the most wonderful email waiting for me. he didn't really answer any of my questions or address the issues I brought up, but he did send me a very uplifting and encouraging email. Then at the end changed the subject and ended with a sweet fantasy about when he comes home for R&R. nothing kinky (which surprised me-I have to admit), just really romantic. That will definitely be one I save to pull out and read again when I am feeling crabby with him. I went to a military family night at the local community college last night and I had to leave before they gave away the door prizes. Today I found out I won dinner for two and a night at a hotel. It doesn't expire until 12/31/06 so we'll be able to use it when he's home for R&R. Then maybe we can work on that fantasy of his (although the hotel isn't near a lake so the asmosphere won't be quite right-somehow I don't think he'll mind, though ) Thanks again for the support and the advice! Kate

YAY, Kate! That is wonderful!!! Congratulations on winning the drawing! I never seem to win anything like that, so I'm all excited for you! How wonderful!

That's also fantastic that he sent you such an awesome email, obviously in response to what you wrote. I think you did a great job of conveying your needs to him. That's very much like what I wrote to my DH several weeks ago. Sometimes it just helps to lay it out to them and explain what our hopes and expectations are. I'm so glad that yours is responding to that! Hooray!

Can you imagine if they were doing these deployments back in the days of snail mail??? I would go crazy! My dad used to deploy to Antarctica 6 months out of every year when I was little (for 3 years) and we would get letters from him maybe 4 or 5 times, and maybe 1 or 2 phone calls. It was rough. PTL that communication is so much better now!

Sending you hugs and prayers! (Cheryl)

Deployment Series

Yesterday I finished sorting through the document of posts that I saved from the MOPS forums and moving those pertaining to Mike's deployment to a separate document.  To me, those are the most important.  They chronical the ups and downs of that time in our lives and the support I received from women who I had never met in person.

In order to prevent the loss of these posts I am going to start a series of posts here.  I don't plan to edit anything (which may be difficult since I know there are some spelling and grammar errors in them and I tend to have difficulty leaving those kinds of errors alone).  I feel it is important to preserve those posts as they are so that I can look back and remember the details. I remember so much about that time and yet when I went back and read what I had posted at that time I discovered so much that I had forgotten.

Braeden Michael

This past week was Braeden's eighth birthday. It's hard to believe that our little preemie is going to be a second grader in a few weeks.

Braeden entered this world in a flurry of excitement and has kept life interesting ever since.  He is our spirited and strong-willed child. He is extremely passionate and I know that someday that passion will be used to do great things in this world.  For now, it is mostly spent on expressing his frustration when the world around him doesn't meet his expectations.  I have hope though, because I know God has big plans for this child. 

Braeden is a very artistically creative child.  His drawing was chosen for the local paper's weather drawing this spring.  The drawing was a lake scene with a boat, people fishing, a jet ski, some fish and many other details.  My favorite part was the curls in the sky he used to depict the wind.  I found the picture on the newspaper's website so here it is:

I had forgotten about the jumping fish. I also love that little detail. (That and it's green... my favorite color.)

Braeden is my "snuggle puppy."  He loves to cuddle and get hugs.  After expressing his frustration and being sent to his room, he always comes to give me a hug and apologize once he has calmed down.  I am very thankful for that quality in him.

When Braeden was in the Special Care Nursery at Abbott we posted a sign on his isolette with the verse "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13)  For me, that's his special verse. That verse and the song based on that verse by Steven Curtis Chapman helped me through the time spent in the cities.  I knew that no matter what, God was in control of my sweet baby and that He would give us the strength to get through this chapter of our lives.

Now a period of our lives that seemed to last forever is merely a sliver of the past eight years.  I remember how my days revolved around his care schedule.  Every three hours from 6am to 9pm I was in the nursery with him.  I was determined to be with him as much as I possibly could.  I remember holding him and watching the sunrise listening to the Norah Jones CD one of the nurses was playing. 

I remember singing to him as we rocked until one of the nurses would tell me I needed to put him back in his isolette before his temperature dropped too much.  As a music teacher I found it funny that I had a hard time remembering songs to sing.  I racked my brain for "children's songs" and nothing came to mind.  The only ones that I could think of were by Steven Curtis Chapman: His Strength is Perfect, Be Still and Know, and Hold on to Jesus.  Somehow I believe that was part of God's plan for that time in our lives.

"His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.  He'll carry us when we can't carry on. Raised in his power the weak become strong. His strength is perfect. His strength is perfect."

"Be still and know that he is God.  Be still and know that he is holy.  Be still oh restless soul of mine.  Bow before the Prince of Peace.  Let the noise and clamour cease.  Be still."

"I will hold on to the hand of my Savior.  And I will hold on with all my might.  I will hold loosely to things that are fleeting.  And hold on to Jesus.  I will hold on to Jesus for life."

What great messages for a mom and her preemie to hide in their hearts while waiting for him to grow strong enough to come home.  These days you would never know that he started out as a tiny 4lb 7.5oz baby who decided to join the world eight weeks early.