Also, in some cases I included responses from friends I made through the forums. I put those in italics with the name of the person who wrote it in parenthesis.
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April 4, 2006
I just got off the phone with my dh. He's deployed right now so I can totally relate to the lonely thing. I also have three little ones, but they aren't very good for conversation much beyond food, toys and toilet training. My sister will be coming over after she gets off work to watch American Idol with me. It will be nice to have someone here to watch with.
When he's home, my dh is a hunter, too. Since he's a deputy for his regular job he works long hours and then if he goes hunting on his days off it just gets to be so long away from him. Then he gets grumpy if I ask him to be home at a certain time. I wonder if he'd like it if I were to go somewhere first thing in the morning and then come home whenever I felt like it rather than checking in and letting him know a specific timeframe.
At least we all can have a lonley moms party together. That should help a little.
Kate
When he's home, my dh is a hunter, too. Since he's a deputy for his regular job he works long hours and then if he goes hunting on his days off it just gets to be so long away from him. Then he gets grumpy if I ask him to be home at a certain time. I wonder if he'd like it if I were to go somewhere first thing in the morning and then come home whenever I felt like it rather than checking in and letting him know a specific timeframe.
At least we all can have a lonley moms party together. That should help a little.
Kate
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April 5, 2006
I used to work part-time as a music teacher. I taught third and fourth grade classroom music and directed the choir it was 28% of a full-times job. This amounted to about 12 hours a week Tues-Thurs 9am-1pm. It was the perfect amount of time to be away from my kids without feeling like I was missing out on their lives. With my dh schedule (he's a deputy) we only had them in daycare 4-5 times a month.
Then my husband got deployed and everything changed. Since my family comes first and I didn't know how my two little boys would handle daddy being away I took a leave of absence for the spring. Since the district I teach in is in the process of making huge cuts and they are cutting 2-3.5 music positions I probably won't be back next fall.
I am sad about that because I LOVE teaching music, but at the same time I can be in MOPS now (the group near me meets on Tues) and I also get to spend more time at home with my kids. When my husband comes back I'll definitely look into any opening in the elementary music department that I can find.
Kate
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April 6, 2006
Cheryl,
I'm still waiting to hear where my husband will be in Iraq. He is currently en route and probably won't be able to contact me for a week or so. I am so afraid of the whole IED thing because during training my dh was a driver for a 1st sgt. He doesn't know if that will be his job over there or not, but the thought of him driving anywhere is nervewracking. The only thing that gets me through each day is the thought that God will never give me more than I can handle and that I can do all things with His strength. Sometimes, though, I wish he didn't need me to handle so much. I'll be praying for you. When I think of all the threats of IEDs I have to remind myself that there are hundreds and thousands of vehicles driving over there every day and the news only reports those that get hit. I have to focus on those that make it safely to their destinations and pray that the same will hold true for any vehicle my husband is in. Hang in there and if you ever need anything let me know. I'll do what I can. I'll be praying for you.
Kate
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April 7, 2006
I just have to share this with you. My dh left for the Middle East almost two weeks ago. Two days after he left I was having a hard time adjusting to not being able to talk to him daily as I had done when he was stateside and I was feeling really lonely. I said a prayer and asked God to let me hear from him somehow the next day. Sure enough I had two cards in the mailbox from my dh AND he called that evening. It was amazing.
That's not all, this past Tuesday when I spoke to my dh he said he was leaving Kuwait and heading to where he would be stationed in Iraq and would most likely not be able to contact me for a week or so. At least not until he got settled. Well, last night I was feeling very lonely again and I prayed that I would just have an email from him to let me know that he was safe. When I checked my email this morning I had three emails waiting for me... all from my dh. God is just so awesome in how he gives us just what we really need right when we need it. I am so thankful every day that I am never really alone because God is always with me.
When my dh was home for Christmas he gave me a ring that says "I'll always be with you." I know he meant that he'll always be with me and I do think of him each time I look at my finger, but it also reminds me that God is always with me so I'm never alone.
I don't know, I just wanted to share that with you because I think sometimes we can all use a reminder of just how awesome our God is.
Kate
Then my husband got deployed and everything changed. Since my family comes first and I didn't know how my two little boys would handle daddy being away I took a leave of absence for the spring. Since the district I teach in is in the process of making huge cuts and they are cutting 2-3.5 music positions I probably won't be back next fall.
I am sad about that because I LOVE teaching music, but at the same time I can be in MOPS now (the group near me meets on Tues) and I also get to spend more time at home with my kids. When my husband comes back I'll definitely look into any opening in the elementary music department that I can find.
Kate
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April 6, 2006
Cheryl,
I'm still waiting to hear where my husband will be in Iraq. He is currently en route and probably won't be able to contact me for a week or so. I am so afraid of the whole IED thing because during training my dh was a driver for a 1st sgt. He doesn't know if that will be his job over there or not, but the thought of him driving anywhere is nervewracking. The only thing that gets me through each day is the thought that God will never give me more than I can handle and that I can do all things with His strength. Sometimes, though, I wish he didn't need me to handle so much. I'll be praying for you. When I think of all the threats of IEDs I have to remind myself that there are hundreds and thousands of vehicles driving over there every day and the news only reports those that get hit. I have to focus on those that make it safely to their destinations and pray that the same will hold true for any vehicle my husband is in. Hang in there and if you ever need anything let me know. I'll do what I can. I'll be praying for you.
Kate
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April 7, 2006
I just have to share this with you. My dh left for the Middle East almost two weeks ago. Two days after he left I was having a hard time adjusting to not being able to talk to him daily as I had done when he was stateside and I was feeling really lonely. I said a prayer and asked God to let me hear from him somehow the next day. Sure enough I had two cards in the mailbox from my dh AND he called that evening. It was amazing.
That's not all, this past Tuesday when I spoke to my dh he said he was leaving Kuwait and heading to where he would be stationed in Iraq and would most likely not be able to contact me for a week or so. At least not until he got settled. Well, last night I was feeling very lonely again and I prayed that I would just have an email from him to let me know that he was safe. When I checked my email this morning I had three emails waiting for me... all from my dh. God is just so awesome in how he gives us just what we really need right when we need it. I am so thankful every day that I am never really alone because God is always with me.
When my dh was home for Christmas he gave me a ring that says "I'll always be with you." I know he meant that he'll always be with me and I do think of him each time I look at my finger, but it also reminds me that God is always with me so I'm never alone.
I don't know, I just wanted to share that with you because I think sometimes we can all use a reminder of just how awesome our God is.
Kate
Oh, that is so wonderful to hear! And how wonderful that your DH is being so great about calling/emailing you! I talked to mine the other day and tried to convey to him that even if we get to talk every day that he's gone (which is pretty likely since he'll be at a desk with his own phone every day, and it's free for him to call me here in Japan), that it would still really mean a lot to me if he'll take a minute or two out of the day to email me. Because sometimes there are going to be days when he can't call, and it'll be nice those days that I can pull up the emails he's sent and read them to tide me over instead. I think he gets it. For him he doesn't see the point, because in his mind, what is he going to email me about if we're talking almost every day? But at least he understands that it's important to me, so hopefully he'll do it.
How long will your DH be gone? (Cheryl)
How long will your DH be gone? (Cheryl)
My DH has just started a 12 month deployment (I hope it will be less than that, though - he says the National Guard has been averaging 10-11 mos instead). His total deployment is supposed to be 18 mos. He spent Nov-Mar stateside training at Camp Shelby in MS.
My birthday is at the end of March and I am praying that he'll be home for my birthday next year. We'll have to wait and see what happens.
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April 9, 2006
April 9, 2006
My dh has finally made it to where he'll be stationed in Iraq for the next year. I talked to him this morning and he told me that there's limited phone and internet access where he's at so he may only get to contact me once every week or so. So far for me I have been able to make it 2-3 days without hearing from him and still be okay. Once day three rolls around I get depressed, lonely, and a little worried. So far when I've prayed on day three to hear from him God has answered my prayer with either an email or a phone call or both. That has been amazing!
I guess what I need right now is for prayer that God will continue to provide me with what I need. Whether that is the strength to get beyond day three without those feelings or if there is some way for my dh to still be able to contact me every 2-3 days despite his limited access to phone and internet. I am just having a really hard time thinking about how hard it is going to be with less contact from him. Thanks for your support.
Kate
I guess what I need right now is for prayer that God will continue to provide me with what I need. Whether that is the strength to get beyond day three without those feelings or if there is some way for my dh to still be able to contact me every 2-3 days despite his limited access to phone and internet. I am just having a really hard time thinking about how hard it is going to be with less contact from him. Thanks for your support.
Kate
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!!!!! What is he going to be doing in Iraq? Maybe he will end up having better access to a phone than he expected. I've heard they're doing everything they can to allow people to stay in touch with their families. Maybe if nothing else he will be able to email you more often. I sure hope so. I know what it's like to not be able to contact your spouse (DH used to work on submarines so we would go months without even hearing one another's voice) and it's so difficult. I will be praying that he will be able to contact you more often. The best advice I can give, though, is to set your mind that he will only be able to reach you once a week, so that way if it happens more often than that, you'll be pleasantly surprised. The easiest times for me when DH was on the sub was when I knew I wouldn't hear from him for 5 or 6 weeks. At least then I wasn't expecting anything so I couldn't be disappointed. But this is so much different.
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} (Cheryl)
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} (Cheryl)
Thanks for all the prayer and support. My DH hasn't told me what exactly he'll be doing over there. During training he was a driver for a first sgt, but he said that things could change once he got in country. Because of security stuff he hasn't been able to tell me if he knows any more. I don't even know exactly where he is. Before he left his company was supposed to go somewhere in or near Fallujah, but that could have changed, too.
I have been trying to not expect him to call or email for a week, but it is really hard make the adjustment from talking to him several times a day when he was stateside to the situation we are in now. I'm sure eventually things will get easier. I know I can do anything with God's strength and that is what gets me through the day. I sing Steven Curtis Chapman's "His Strength is Perfect" all the time. I don't know what the wives of deployed soldiers do who aren't Christians. I know I couldn't make it through this without God's help.
Thanks again, everybody.
Kate
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April 11, 2006
Thank you everyone who prayed for me and my husband with the communication thing while he's in Iraq. I had a phone call from him this morning and he told me that his situation has changed and that he'll be able to call me every couple of days (exactly what I thought I needed-I guess God agreed).
Thanks again everyone! I am just so relieved right now. He said email may still be an issue, but at least he can call that often.
Praise God! I hope you all have a great day. I'm off to MOPS, but I just had to share the good news before I left.
Kate
Thanks again everyone! I am just so relieved right now. He said email may still be an issue, but at least he can call that often.
Praise God! I hope you all have a great day. I'm off to MOPS, but I just had to share the good news before I left.
Kate
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April 24, 2006
So it could just be PMS, but I'm feeling really cranky today. I am focusing on the negative aspects of my dh being deployed and that's really bringing me down right now. He'll probably call me today because it's been nearly 4 days since he called (one of the reasons for the crankiness) and I don't want to be crabby with him if/when I get to talk to him.
I think now that he has email whenever he wants and has been emailing me daily that he thinks he doesn't need to call me as often. One phone call is worth a thousand emails in my book. Then, if I get an email that he was going to call but the line was too long and he was too tired to wait I feel like I don't matter enough to him to wait in line for me. I know that's not the case but that's how I'm feeling right now. I'm posting this here so I won't do something crazy like send him a complaining email or something.
Maybe it's partially weather-related since it's rainy and cold after nearly a week of nice weather. I don't know. I just could use some prayer to help me focus on things that are more positive and quit being so crabby.
thanks.
kate
I think now that he has email whenever he wants and has been emailing me daily that he thinks he doesn't need to call me as often. One phone call is worth a thousand emails in my book. Then, if I get an email that he was going to call but the line was too long and he was too tired to wait I feel like I don't matter enough to him to wait in line for me. I know that's not the case but that's how I'm feeling right now. I'm posting this here so I won't do something crazy like send him a complaining email or something.
Maybe it's partially weather-related since it's rainy and cold after nearly a week of nice weather. I don't know. I just could use some prayer to help me focus on things that are more positive and quit being so crabby.
thanks.
kate
While reading your post, Phillipians 4:13 came to mind--"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
That's the verse I usually post to encourage people! usually I repeat it to myself many times a day. Today I have been too busy looking inward and feeling sorry for myself to think about it though. Thanks for reminding me.
thanks so much everyone for your kindness and thoughts and prayers. I am feeling a little better. I forced myself to send him a card today even though I didn't feel like it. I have mailed him a card or a letter every day since I got his address over there. Hopefully I can keep it up regardless of my mood.
No, I don't really have any friends with husbands who have been or are currently deployed. That's one of the reasons I joined this forum. I have met several women on here who are in or have been in a situation like mine. that really helps. Since my dh isn't active duty (he was just activated with the National Guard) I don't have the built in support system that a lot of military wives have in place.
Thank you again for all your support.
Kate
thanks so much everyone for your kindness and thoughts and prayers. I am feeling a little better. I forced myself to send him a card today even though I didn't feel like it. I have mailed him a card or a letter every day since I got his address over there. Hopefully I can keep it up regardless of my mood.
No, I don't really have any friends with husbands who have been or are currently deployed. That's one of the reasons I joined this forum. I have met several women on here who are in or have been in a situation like mine. that really helps. Since my dh isn't active duty (he was just activated with the National Guard) I don't have the built in support system that a lot of military wives have in place.
Thank you again for all your support.
Kate
I'm proud of you for coming here instead of sending him a complaining email. I sent one of those nearly 5 years ago and still feel emabarrassed about it.
You saved me again. I decided to check here before sending him an email tonight. He didn't call and hasn't emailed since a very short one at 8am today. I was all geared up to let him have it... Thank you. I'll still send him an email and ask why he hasn't called, but at least I won't be mean or complaining about it. (I have a tendency to get a little sarcastic at times which can be kind of hurtful) Thanks again. It is funny how our dh's are opposite. If only they could somehow share with eachother and even things out. Oh, well.
So I just talked to dh and I'm still a little crabby. It must be PMS. I did tell him that I almost sent him a crabby email and he was like "why?" and I told him that it had been four days since he called me and he was like "Oh. I thought you said either call or email." Why can men not understand that a one line email saying "thanks for the package I love you and I miss you" is sweet and all, but definitely not the same as a 15 minute phone conversation? Whatever. How men and women can be sooooooo different and still manage to make things work is a mystery to me. Just one of those amazing things that reminds me that God has a sense of humor. I can just picture him laughing at all of us and our silly little disagreements and humanness. I love it. Really, in the great big scheme of things email vs phone call is not that big of a deal.
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April 25, 2006
| |
| I took your advice, Cheryl and emailed my husband last night. I started by explaining that I understand his job is difficult over there and all that. Then I explained how things are for me here. (I kept it as positive as possible and let him know that I am surviving just fine and that hearing from him helps make it a little easier to do so). I ended with "Is it realistic for me to expect you to call me every 2-3 days and to email me in between? I don't expect every email to be long and in depth, but it would be so nice to have one of those once-in-a-while." and the usual lovey dovey stuff. Today I had the most wonderful email waiting for me. he didn't really answer any of my questions or address the issues I brought up, but he did send me a very uplifting and encouraging email. Then at the end changed the subject and ended with a sweet fantasy about when he comes home for R&R. nothing kinky (which surprised me-I have to admit), just really romantic. That will definitely be one I save to pull out and read again when I am feeling crabby with him. I went to a military family night at the local community college last night and I had to leave before they gave away the door prizes. Today I found out I won dinner for two and a night at a hotel. It doesn't expire until 12/31/06 so we'll be able to use it when he's home for R&R. Then maybe we can work on that fantasy of his (although the hotel isn't near a lake so the asmosphere won't be quite right-somehow I don't think he'll mind, though ) Thanks again for the support and the advice! Kate | |
YAY, Kate! That is wonderful!!! Congratulations on winning the drawing! I never seem to win anything like that, so I'm all excited for you! How wonderful!
That's also fantastic that he sent you such an awesome email, obviously in response to what you wrote. I think you did a great job of conveying your needs to him. That's very much like what I wrote to my DH several weeks ago. Sometimes it just helps to lay it out to them and explain what our hopes and expectations are. I'm so glad that yours is responding to that! Hooray!
Can you imagine if they were doing these deployments back in the days of snail mail??? I would go crazy! My dad used to deploy to Antarctica 6 months out of every year when I was little (for 3 years) and we would get letters from him maybe 4 or 5 times, and maybe 1 or 2 phone calls. It was rough. PTL that communication is so much better now!
Sending you hugs and prayers! (Cheryl)
That's also fantastic that he sent you such an awesome email, obviously in response to what you wrote. I think you did a great job of conveying your needs to him. That's very much like what I wrote to my DH several weeks ago. Sometimes it just helps to lay it out to them and explain what our hopes and expectations are. I'm so glad that yours is responding to that! Hooray!
Can you imagine if they were doing these deployments back in the days of snail mail??? I would go crazy! My dad used to deploy to Antarctica 6 months out of every year when I was little (for 3 years) and we would get letters from him maybe 4 or 5 times, and maybe 1 or 2 phone calls. It was rough. PTL that communication is so much better now!
Sending you hugs and prayers! (Cheryl)
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